Tuesday, November 12, 2013

The hard things

Here in the blog world, most of us like to keep it bright and cheery. We don't talk about any problems in our personal life, or if we do, we keep it vague. I understand that, and I agree with it to a point. I don't believe, however, in not being real on my blog. I know not everyone's life is unicorns and funfetti frosting, mine included, but for the most part we tend to stray away from the hard things. Not me, not today.

Hard thing #1: I live with Derek and his parents. I've talked about living with my "in-laws" before, on a much lighter note, but I haven't ever really talked about it. Reason #1 being I love them and I don't want to disrespect them in any way, and Reason #2 being they so graciously let me live in their home, free of charge. But it's hard, you guys. It's hard trying to fold yourself into someone else's way of life when it is so different from your own.

I've lived on my own for the last 5+ years and before that I lived with my parents, who are completely different from Derek's parents. As I mentioned in my first vlog, me and my family are very close. I know a lot about my parents, from how they met, to how they cried on their wedding day, to the loss of a pregnancy, and so much more. My Mom really has become "my best friend" in a sense, because now, that I am not a rebellious teenager, we get along great and share pretty much everything in our lives.

This could not be less true regarding Derek and his parents. I don't know if it is because of the age difference (his parents are in their late 60's) or because Derek is a boy or what, but they are not sharers. I asked Derek how long his parents dated, he didn't know. This confuses me only because it is different to me. 

Another difference is that Derek's parent's don't drink. Don't get the wrong idea about me (or my family) and think that we are a bunch of raging alcoholics, but we are the types who believe there isn't anything wrong with an adult beverage every now and then. Growing up in this type of household I was taught to respect alcohol, instead of growing up in a household where it was considered "taboo" and that I had to hide it. I'm extremely grateful to my parents for instilling this in me and for never making me feel like I had to hide anything from them.

The last thing that makes living with someone's parents hard is personal space, and the fact that I have none. Derek's mom was always a SAHM and even now, continues her life as a housewife/homemaker. Because of this, she does ALL of the cleaning, cooking, and laundry. When I first moved in, I told her that she didn't have to do these things for me but that didn't happen. I've gotten used to her doing my laundry, but it is still a shock to come home to all of my belongings moved around in my room after she has cleaned. 

After writing all of this down, it doesn't seem like it's that big of a deal, which is probably why I don't complain much. But there are certain days when it overwhelms me. Days when I just don't feel like putting laundry away, days when I just want to sit in my underwear with a good movie and a glass of wine. Days when I don't want to get out of bed until noon. Those days have been few and far between since living here, but then I remember that I am blessed to have a roof over my head and I feel okay.

Do you have "hard things" in your life that you don't like to talk about?

20 comments:

Renee said...

I could totally see how some days this might be hard! It would be great having someone do that stuff for me, but I am a lover of having my own space and doing things my own way, on my own time!

Hallie Oceanside said...

I give you major props for being able to keep a level head and get through it. I think the hardest thing about in-laws is adjusting to the differences in them from our own parents. I love love love my mother in law and she is the sweetest person, and has always accepted me 100% and treated me as her own, but she drives me nuts sometimes because she isn't like MY mom, and I don't understand sometimes why it bugs me so much, but it does.

Don't let it get to you, and keep being positive like you are, and I think as you stated, writing about it just gives you a sense of hope and that things really are not "that bad"

That is the best part of a blog right? :)

Cotton and Boots said...

Keep your head up girl! I know it's not the most ideal situation, but it's obvious how appreciative you are about it. And just remember, it's only temporary.

Jenni@FlyingOnARainbow said...

I can't imagine how difficult it must be to try to "fit" into someone else's way of living for an extended amount of time. I lived with my in-laws for a week before Boy and I got the keys to our own place, and I found just a week hard. Not having your own space - especially when you've had it before - is really difficult and as much as you don't want to grumble about it because, as you said, they are graciously sharing their home with you, it is still hard on you and you're only human!

I guess I'm different in that I do talk about the "hard things" on my blog, because I find it easier to vent my frustrations there than bend Boy's ear all the time with everything. I do still keep a lot to myself though, even though I know I shouldn't because bottling things up doesn't solve anything.

Brittany said...

I totally live for bloggers who share real life stuff on their blogs. Its so much more relatable. I remember how hard I thought it was to live in other people's homes, not to mention in-laws. Keep reminding yourself "this isn't a permanent situation."

Sara Elizabeth said...

I love when bloggers get real like this, it makes them so much more relatable! I live with my parents because it makes sense financially since I'm still in school. I used to be a little shy about admitting to that but I've started to appreciate it a lot since I'm not strugglin' to pay rent every month or get into debt. It's all temporary, like Brittany said!

Caitlin said...

I would feel exactly the way you feel! I love when people are honest and share the real life situation on blogs. I am really close with both of my parents, but after being on my own for a few years, I couldn't imagine living at home. They just do things different and I love my space and things. You form a routine and once that gets interrupted, it's hard. I would totally crave so much alone time and your space if I was in your situation!

Alex[andra] said...

I can totally understand why this can be difficult for you at times. Especially drinking being taboo. Andrew's family doesn't drink which makes it very awkward for me at times. At least you know that one day you'll have your own space. :)

There's definitely hard things in my life that I'd love to blog about but I can't; just because I'd be afraid of certain people reading it (such as, Andrew's family).

Ashten @ alwaysashten said...

I can totally see how this is overwhelming but way to keep a level head and stay positive through it. I know we all try to stay positive in blogland but I love that you wrote about this: makes you "human". :)

Jay T said...

I understand this so much. I know you know that because we talked about it the other night. I really admire that you're so positive about it though. When I lived with my parents it was hard for me to stay positive, and honestly I didn't even try that hard. I just kept thinking about how much better it would be to live on my own. But you know what, now that I have my own place I appreciate it SO much more than I did the last time I lived on my own! But it's also easier to drink way too much wine .... just kidding, that's not a thing. But seriously, FREE LAUNDRY. That shit is amazing.

Corie said...

I live with my in-laws and can relate to ALL of this! We've lived with them for 6 months now and are planning to stay until August! It. is. so. difficult some days!

Jen @ That's What She Read said...

This year I got divorced and the one thing I hate to talk about is missing my kids when they are with their dad. People ask me that all the time and it's like "how could i not?" sometimes it feels good to talk about it and sometimes I avoid the question...but i have written about it on the blog and after that, I always feel better! sometimes we dont know what we really feel until we see it written out in from of us! Great post!

Sarah Brooke said...

I loved reading this! My boyfriend and I are about to be in the same position, only reversed. We will be moving in with my parents while we look for a place in a new city. So while it won't be awkward for me, I can at least be on the lookout for those things that may be weird for him.

You got me thinking about it though, while I love his parents, I can definitely see how living with them could be interesting.. haha I don't even know.

brooke lyn said...

it makes sense why this can be hard. at the end of the day it's not really your space and there is a lack of privacy for you. good luck!

MIssissippi Mrs. said...

It makes perfect sense why it gets overwhelmning at times.

I have days where I literally come in, close the door, strip down, and just want silence and no phones. I can't imagine having someone there ALL the time.

Carla said...

I can see why it can be difficult at times. Good to see that you appreciate your blessings and don't take it for granted.

I'm with you on being reluctant to share these "hard things" on your blog. I do agree that ones blog has to be real, and I think a lot of us girls can attest that life is not always happy and perfect. You will be okay, and just know that someday, this "hard thing" will be a distant memory that helped you better appreciate your blessings. :)
Carla @ Love Cartista

Brittany said...

Real posts are my favorite :) I can see how that would be frustrating at times, it would drive me crazy if someone went in and just cleaned my room. Enjoy your moments away in peace and know it won't be forever.

Autumn @ The Unreal Life said...

I hear ya girl. I live with my parents, and while saving money is nice and they are nice....sometimes I think the thing I miss most is not having control over when I get alone time. Sometimes I want to watch Kardashians without judgey eyeballs, ya know.

Rachael @ Pretty in Pink said...

My favorite and most rewarding blog posts are those when I feel like I can open up. I really enjoy those and bloggers who can do the same. props to you!

Pink Pamalamma said...

Oooh girl, that's a tough one. I lived with my boyfriends family in high school for a while and it was hard. I understand all the things you've described. I can only imagine how much harder it would be being an adult and having lived on your own before.