Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Domesticated

When I think of the word "domesticated" I think of housewives, stay at home moms, sparkling kitchens, and freshly laundered linens. I think of women who never went to college, who stay at home while their husbands support them. I think of women who are always in the kitchen, who's number one goal is to keep a clean house and take care of her children.

But is that really what domestication is about?

According to the dictionary "domesic" is defined as 1. of or relating to the family or household; 2. fond of life and household affairs; 3. to cause to feel comfortable at home. I've never thought of myself as someone that is domestic or domesticated. I am no Susie Homemaker, I can barely keep enough underwear clean to last me throughout the week and I have been known to re wear the same pants four times in a row to keep from doing laundry.

I will admit to looking at stay at home moms and housewives and thinking less of them. I can admit that I looked down on these women, who chose to give up a career (or to never have one to begin with) and think, "didn't they wan't more out of life?" I can also admit that this thinking was wrong of me. Because they probably look at me, coming home after a twelve hour shift with questionable substances (most likely poop) on my shoes and I'm sure they pity me, thinking "I feel sorry for her, she'll never see her kids."

I realize that there are two sides to every coin, and an argument can be made for both sides of this probably never-ending debate and I can honestly say that both sides have valid points. I can see the benefits of being a "career woman" like having more money which can lead to having a bigger house, better car, or going on more vacations. It can lead to achieving goals you've had ever since you were a little girl, breaking through glass ceilings, becoming manager, CEO, CFO, or owning your own company.

Then there's the other side, the stay-at-home side. The one where you get to see your children grow up and you get to take care of your household, making it a warm and inviting place for your husband to come home to every day. Never having to worry if you've missed out on any milestone your child may have reached that day.

So will I be a career woman or a stay at home wife/mom? At this point I can't give you an answer. I can say that I've put literal blood, sweat, and tears into earning my nursing degree and I can say that it isn't going to go to waste. I can also say that when I think of myself as a mother, I want to be the best mother I can be. I want to be there to hold my child when they cry and to laugh with them and play with them and absorb every sweet moment possible. So, I don't know. I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

Either way, this will probably be me.

What is your opinion on SAHMs vs. Career Women? Did you have a hard time making the decision to be either one?

33 comments:

Lynsey @ Eternally Wanderlyn said...

I think that you made some excellent points. We shouldn't look down on each other for our choice of being a stay at home mom or working mom. While I don't have kids, I do realize it's hard work raising them, no matter which route you take. And instead of criticizing or judging each other for our choices, we should support each other. Yes, many people think we fought to get out of the kitchen, but we fought for the choice. Working mom or SAHM - the choice is ours and that is what we have gained. I also don't think SAHD should be judged the way they are either. It's great if a father wants to be the one to stay home and tend to the house and kids. I think people just need to find what works for them and their families. (Sorry about the super long comment. LoL)

Duh! Danae said...

If I had wanted kids I couldn't be a s.a.h.m I would go crazy, I don't know how they do it.

Kaylee Taylor said...

I'm a momma of two boys and I work a full time job. If I could be a stay at home mom I would totally do it. I feel like I'm missing out on their childhood. You'll never get this time back and once it's gone that's it. But everyone has their own desires in life and we should support each other as women regardless of our choices. Both sides have their downfalls.

Ashten @ alwaysashten said...

I used to want the whole career thing. I wanted to work and be a mom and take care of the house all at the same time. Now that I have the career and see so many of my friends try to juggle both I would give it all up tomorrow to be a stay at home mom. A few of my friends stay home with their kids and I admire them for being such dedicated parents. Being a stay at home mom really is a full time job.

Erin LFF said...

I legit think about this way too often, especially for someone who doesn't have any plans for kids in the next few years. I love moving up the corporate ladder and feel so proud of the things I accomplish at my job, but I really think I would love staying at home with my future kids one day too. I'd of course love the best of both worlds, keeping my job part-time or something, but that isn't realistic. Definitely with you on this though, just gotta' cross that bridge when the time comes!

Alex[andra] said...

I've also looked down on stay at home mothers. But, that's from my own personal negative experiences. I've looked around me and seen that my friends that are the most successful are the ones with TWO working parents. We live in a society that doesn't really allow for a mother to stay home anymore. But, particularly for a woman (as it has been statistically proven that it harder for a woman to move up the career ladder) to achieve CEO status, you must work harder which also means longer hours. It's almost as if women are forced to choose between their family and work.

Here's how I see it: I can do both. My children will be in school for at least 6 hours a day. Why can't I work during the time? There's absolutely no reason not to. While they're in school, I'm at work. That way, we get the best of both worlds.

Sorry for the long comment!

Amanda @ MyLifeIGuess.com said...

This is such an interesting topic, and I'm curious to see what your readers have to say about it!

I imagine I'll be a combination of the two.

My mom, for example, was technically a "stay at home mom" for most of my childhood - but she worked from home. She babysat other kids when we were small, and then taught piano/music lessons out of living room when were older. Something like that could work for me.

Or, I'd be totally on board to stay at home with the kid(s) until they start school, and then return to work myself.

Jackie said...

I don't have kids or a husband, but I have definitely thought about this. While I worked really hard to be a nurse and I do like my job, I think I would be just fine with being a stay at home mom, at least until they were off to school. I am not that attached to my career. I am not really the "career woman". I work to live. Again, not that I don't LIKE what I do. I just don't feel like I HAVE to work. but, maybe I'll change my mind when that decision ever has to be made.

Ginny @ Buttergirl Diaries said...

Great post!

Sara Elizabeth said...

For me, it all comes down to finances. If my future family can live comfortably on one income, I would be a SAHM in a second. But if not, you gotta do what you have to do. Being financially stable either way is most important. I don't think being a SAHM mom or working mom makes you a better or worse mom.

Tami said...

I've thought about this a lot for someone who doesn't have kids yet, and I think the absolute ideal situation for me would be to get to a place in my career where I'm valuable enough to a company that they would let me work a flexible schedule or telecommute from home a few days a week. I don't think I could ever give up work completely. I'd go insane without that "real world" interaction. But I'm with you on having judged SAHM's before, especially those I know who take to facebook to complain about their "stressful" life. I realize I have NO perspective on what it's like to have kids, but I can't imagine how high your stress level can really be when many women manage to balance (and succeed at) a full time job on top of it all.

Ginny @ Buttergirl Diaries said...

I think in this day and age the economy has a huge influence when it comes to staying home. Daycare is extremely expensive and sometimes its not financially worth it to go to work just to support the daucare expense. I just think a lot of ot has to do with families (especially women) choosing happiness -whether that is money or time spent with their kids... Its different for everyone:)

Ginny

Kaysie said...

I will be feeding my kids store bought baby food and I ain't sorry. I'll breastfeed, but I don't think I'm the kind of mama who will make their baby food every day in my blender. Since we're no where near having babies, the as-of-now plan is for me to stay with them until they start school and then I'll try to work again.

Cotton and Boots said...

Because of our situation where N's work literally moves us every year or so, I've had so many people come to me saying, "Oh that sucks, you can't ever have a career."

At first, it really bothered me when people said that. I took it as my life would never be fulfilled because I didn't make something of myself. Then, after a while, I understood that that is what they need to be fulfilled. And that's great, more power to them. I personally don't need a career to be fulfilled. I feel fulfilled when I create a new design, or go run, or spend time with N and our little family. I feel fulfilled when I volunteer and make a really good meal. It's the little things that make me happy.

And I'm sure if I had a career, I'd feel the same way. It's just something that I don't need and am unable to do right now.

I do want to raise my children from home, that's what my mom did and I loved it. I want to be the mom who makes home cooked meals, goes to every game, and is there for those milestones. Who knows, maybe when future children are grown, I could start my own business or find a career that works for me.

PS: Sorry for my novel of an answer. But really awesome post, girl!

brooke lyn said...

let's be honest at the end of the day, i'll just be happy if i get a shower and the kids are alive...whether i am a stay at home mom or not

Jay T said...

I always used to want to be a SAHM but now I have no idea what I would choose! At least you'll definitely be able to use your nursing skills when you have baby boo-boos to take care of :) :) HAVE A BABY SOON SO I CAN SEND YOU BABY THINGS.

Kate @ Another Clean Slate said...

It's a tricky topic. I KNOW stay at home moms have long days, but still don't know if I could feel productive if I wasn't working given working moms have to do the same as SAHM plus...you know... work. It's just a personal feeling that could change once I actually have kids. Who knows- I might decide I want to be a stay at home mom if I had the option.

Hayley Hendrickson said...

I don't have kids yet, but I just left my corporate job in hopes of starting a family and having a personal training career on the side!

Amy Powell said...

oh gosh that's a tough debate. I truly believe it depends on each person's individual situation... luckily I'm not in that position yet to decide. but good question!

xoxo, Amy @ Interpret As You May

Brittany said...

I am no where near having kids but I have thought about this and it really is hard choice! I truly have no idea what will happen and probably won't until I have my first baby.

Kathy @ Vodka and Soda said...

in my opinion, it's totally possible to be both. i have both. i have a 5yr old, very fulfilling career and a family to care for.
it's hard to balance things at times but this is where you lean on your partner.

the best thing that my husband and i did was split up the chores and child-rearing tasks. with 2 sets of hands doing everything, it's SO MUCH EASIER to get stuff done which frees up a lot of time.

we spend a lot of time together and i NEVER feel like i'm missing out on kalya's life. she's in school for the amount of time that we're both at work and then we come home and have dinner together at a decent time, hang out after dinner before she goes to bed.

for me, i LOVE my career and worked so hard to get to where i am, as did my husband. just as i would never expect him to sacrifice his career, i don't put that expectation on myself either. i'm a mother, yes, but not just a mom.

-kathy
Vodka and Soda

Amanda - Voyage of the MeeMee said...

There are definitely pros and cons to each. I think what tips the scales is the circumstances of the family... and everyone has different circumstances. My sister has stayed home with her kids... they're quadruplets who just started Kindergarten this year. They are extremely fortunate that she was able to do this because otherwise she probably would've been working JUST to pay for daycare since there's so many of them, haha! She went to school, etc... but honestly she is one of those women who was born to be a mama... she's always had that nurturing quality.

Hallie Oceanside said...

I love this posts! I have been debating what I want out of those two choices forever. I love being a powerful career women and believe being a stay at home mom would drive me nuts, BUT watching kids grow up and being there for them whenever they need, can never be compared.

I guess it's only right to make the decision on the time we need to and to stick with our decision.

Great outlook!

Rambling Hermit said...

I worked in the real estate industry for 9 years until having my first child... I can honestly say that I am so glad to have been able to stay at home with both of my kids. I get to work in their classes twice a week, be home when they get home every day, never miss a practice or game... I don't think one is better than the other but I def am glad of the road that I have chosen.

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