This post is a matter of personal opinion, and do not, in any way, think I won't be your friend if you disagree with me.
"It's a fucking pie in a box!"
This is the phrase that changed it all. Derek and I were in a grocery store and, while purusing the frozen food section, he made some kind of remark about pies in boxes and that was my response. It wasn't said in a mean or demeaning way. I didn't even think twice about it. So he said, "Why does it have to be a 'fucking' pie? Why can't it just be a pie?"
If you were my friend in college then you probably heard the "F-word" slip from my mouth pretty often, without hesitation or reason. When I was at the ripe ole age of 18 I thought the "f-word" was a novel idea. I almost got chills every time I said it, thinking it made me sound like an older, cooler, more mature version of the skinny blonde freshman that didn't know how to do her makeup yet. Fast forward four years and it was rolling off my tongue like back sweat on a hot summer day.
Sure, I refrained around certain crowds: my parents, their friends, certain classmates and teachers. I knew when to hold my tongue and act like a "nice young lady." But it wasn't until that day in the grocery store that I realized how excessive it had become.
That day, Derek asked me why I felt the need to curse so much. Instead of replying something like "I don't know... I know it's a problem and I need to work on it," I'm sure I sounded something more like this "What? I don't even cuss that much! And besides... I did it before we started dating and you didn't have a problem then!" What a gem, I know.
He pressed on, talking about how ugly it sounded and how I didn't sound very "lady like" when I used those words. Well, babe, I've never claimed to be a lady. I told him I would try to be better. I would try to use "ugly words" less and I would try to be more lady-like in my vocabulary choices.
You may read that and be thinking "What in the actual hell? You mean to tell me you just quit, because a guy told you to?! Oh hell no." And that is perfectly okay, because if you would have told the Kalyn three years ago that present-day Kalyn would quit cursing because a guy "told her" to, she would have laughed and said "You're fucking kidding me, right?"
But loving someone isn't about "dealing with" their faults and "getting over" the things that bother you. Loving someone is about compromise. It's about going out of your way to make someone happy and doing things you wouldn't normally do because THEY enjoy it. It's about making sacrifices and changing little things.
So that's what I did. I changed. For a guy.
I am, in no way, perfect. If I am angry, upset, or in bad traffic, you will most likely hear an "ugly"word slip out, because let's face it, sometimes "shoot" and "heck" just don't cover it. I have however, quit throwing around random F-Bombs and other things for no particular reason. And you know what? I'm proud of myself for it. I'm proud that I made a change for the better (in my opinion).
You still probably won't catch me calling myself a lady though. I still don't like to cross my legs.
Also. This song is everything. Linking up with Whitney.