Friday, February 28, 2014

Parental advisory: F word ahead

This post is a matter of personal opinion, and do not, in any way, think I won't be your friend if you disagree with me.

"It's a fucking pie in a box!"

This is the phrase that changed it all. Derek and I were in a grocery store and, while purusing the frozen food section, he made some kind of remark about pies in boxes and that was my response. It wasn't said in a mean or demeaning way. I didn't even think twice about it. So he said, "Why does it have to be a 'fucking' pie? Why can't it just be a pie?"

If you were my friend in college then you probably heard the "F-word" slip from my mouth pretty often, without hesitation or reason. When I was at the ripe ole age of 18 I thought the "f-word" was a novel idea. I almost got chills every time I said it, thinking it made me sound like an older, cooler, more mature version of the skinny blonde freshman that didn't know how to do her makeup yet. Fast forward four years and it was rolling off my tongue like back sweat on a hot summer day.

Sure, I refrained around certain crowds: my parents, their friends, certain classmates and teachers. I knew when to hold my tongue and act like a "nice young lady." But it wasn't until that day in the grocery store that I realized how excessive it had become.

That day, Derek asked me why I felt the need to curse so much. Instead of replying something like "I don't know... I know it's a problem and I need to work on it," I'm sure I sounded something more like this "What? I don't even cuss that much! And besides... I did it before we started dating and you didn't have a problem then!" What a gem, I know.

He pressed on, talking about how ugly it sounded and how I didn't sound very "lady like" when I used those words. Well, babe, I've never claimed to be a lady. I told him I would try to be better. I would try to use "ugly words" less and I would try to be more lady-like in my vocabulary choices.

You may read that and be thinking "What in the actual hell? You mean to tell me you just quit, because a guy told you to?! Oh hell no." And that is perfectly okay, because if you would have told the Kalyn three years ago that present-day Kalyn would quit cursing because a guy "told her" to, she would have laughed and said "You're fucking kidding me, right?"

But loving someone isn't about "dealing with" their faults and "getting over" the things that bother you. Loving someone is about compromise. It's about going out of your way to make someone happy and doing things you wouldn't normally do because THEY enjoy it. It's about making sacrifices and changing little things. 

So that's what I did. I changed. For a guy. 

I am, in no way, perfect. If I am angry, upset, or in bad traffic, you will most likely hear an "ugly"word slip out, because let's face it, sometimes "shoot" and "heck" just don't cover it. I have however, quit throwing around random F-Bombs and other things for no particular reason. And you know what? I'm proud of myself for it. I'm proud that I made a change for the better (in my opinion). 

You still probably won't catch me calling myself a lady though. I still don't like to cross my legs.

Also. This song is everything. Linking up with Whitney.

Dark Horse by Katy Perry on Grooveshark

32 comments:

Jessa @ Life of A Sports Wife said...

I think that is soo funny! I use to cuss all the time, and got called out by a guy too. I did better for a while, but sometimes you just have to cuss!

Amanda said...

I couldn't agree more with this post- every last sentence. From "loving someone is about compromise" to "sometimes 'shoot' and 'heck' just don't cover it." I used to have a sailor mouth, too (though I did it for a guy...) and though I have no problem with swearing, I think it's important to obly do it under certain circumstances; it sounds a lot better! :)

Whitney Alison said...

I've realized lately that my speech is essentially a dressed up sailor. If I can control myself around my mother, and at church, there really is no reason for me to use so many expletives. Your man friend is right, they are ugly words, and it isn't very 'lady like'. Hmmm...you've encouraged me. I'm going to work on this. (I can't make promises for when I'm driving though.)

Corie said...

When I first met my husband {in high school} I hated swearing... thought it sounded so unattractive. Fast forward 6+ years now I'm the one with the potty mouth and he doesn't swear at all. BLAH! Definitely something I need to work on.

Rachel said...

I'm right there with ya on the swearing too much/often - and it's not just changing for "a boy" it's changing for someone who you care about and whose opinion you value! I think there is nothing wrong with that!!

Jamie Pilgrim said...

Psh. the "lady like" argument -.-

I will admit shedding certain habits are signs of being more adult like and mature, but I'd probably spit in the face of someone who told me not to do something because I should be a 'lady'.

Nothing against your dude, I'm sure he meant no harm by it! And I think what makes our partners great is how they help us work with both our positives and negatives :)

Kerry @ Till Then Smile Often said...

I have my moments where it dawns on me that I cuss to much and I try to pull it back in. Driving it's always going to slip out, but in other instances I can really do without it.

The Handey Way said...

I definitely swear too much, more so than Nick. He calls me out for it, and I try to be better. But sometimes, a cuss word is just needed.

Ashten @ alwaysashten said...

I say fuck all the time. Fuck is my favorite cuss word. I know this isn't the point of the post but I just love the word fuck.

FUCK. Sorry. It's a disease.

Samantha @ Life is But a Stream of Thoughts said...

I completely agree with you. It's totally about compromising, not changing. You're doing something for a guy because you care about him, not because you're letting him control you. Lord knows I swear like a sailor, and I know I should work on it. There are plenty of things that I do that I'm sure I'll have to change if my boyfriend and I ever get serious. So when that time comes, I'll remember that it's about compromising.

Allie @ Tales of a TwentySomething said...

This has nothing to do with your actual post (I did read it though), but SONG TWINS :)

Fairy Princess Jord said...

I think one of the most difficult parts about love is recognizing what you should compromise and what you should hold onto.

Anna said...

I should probably work on this. I cuss more than my boyfriend, and really it's not necessary to do so often. Because it's such a habit, I've even let them slip in circumstances where it's embarrassing and not appropriate - which sucks, LOL.

Helene in Between said...

i love this. michael said the same thing about me and I did kind of change it around

Micaela Vaughan said...

I remember your favorite word when you were 3 was- SHIT!! lol
You would repeat it several times if you ever heard someone else say it, "Ohhhhhhhhhh, MawMaw said, shit!! Shit is a bad word, Aunt KK, did you hear MawMaw say shit?" it would go on and on, until someone said, what happens when they say a bad word Kalyn? You GET THE SOAP....... I can hear it in my head right now, just like it was yesterday. LOVE YA SWEETANGEL

brooke lyn said...

i will admit that cursing if often a crutch for people when they don't have a wide vocabulary, but sometimes saying fuck is just the right word choice!

SarahJoyce said...

I used to cuss like a sailor too. Now I just drop f bombs like its my job when I'm extremely tired and/or stressed. Everyone has their own coping mechanisms right?! Either way- I'm proud of your new lifestyle adjustment :)

Amanda - Voyage of the MeeMee said...

Honestly, swearing doesn't bother me at all. To me, they're just another word. Like, who decided they were "bad" anyway? I feel like ANY word can be bad depending on how you use it... if that makes sense - it does in my head, but, that's not saying much. ;)

Kayla MKOY said...

I used to have such a potty mouth, too! Back in High School of all times! I think whatever you chose to do is your business! You are right, love is all about compromise!! Good for you :)

Kellee the Caffeinated said...

I had a horrible mouth up until a few years ago... Out of 3 brothers, I had the worst! That was bad... Then I had kiddos and just learned when and where to use it... But now, I just kind of feel like, why? Every once in a while, the F word just makes things better but not in my everyday vocabulary.

Sarah Lillian said...

Fuck is definitely one of my favorite words in the English language; it's just so darn versatile! However, I have recently been trying to curtail my use of it since I realize that others may not consider it to be quite as casual as I do. Fuckers.

Casey Aslan said...

I totally get this…it's a transition we make some where in life…who knows where. And he approached you peacefully about it…so he really just gave you the idea right? lol

Birdie said...

I identify with this SO MUCH. I was taught never to curse growing up, but then I became an adult and moved away and realized that it just feels S'DAMN GOOD. I dated a guy last year who swears like a sailor himself, but said he thought it the amount of swearing that came out of my mouth doesn't "seem right" and "you can't really pull it off." Can't. pull. it. off?! Are swear words some kind of weird visible ironic 90s puff jacket that I'm trying to bring back? DIDN'T THINK SO THANKS. If a suitor can't accept that shit is literally my favorite word and that I might have broken the world record for how fast I take off my bra and put on my stretchy pants the moment I walk in the door after a long day on campus, sorry but it's never going to work.

Also I won't get into the number of times I listened to Dark Horse today. The answer is just embarrassing. (The answer is 17, give or take).

Greatest blog I've stumbled across in a long time, my friend. Godspeed.

xoxo Birdie
cleanenoughlaundry.blogspot.com

Kelley Moyer said...

Gah I cursed like a sailor in HS and early college days because I thought I sounded "cool" doing it. I look back now and realize I really didn't. My cursing is saved for the moments that require a cuss word these days. My husband though...not so much. He works in the college athletics field and is around that kind of language all the time, and I really think it rubs off on him. I'm trying to work on him though because I don't want him talking like that around our future kids! Hopefully it will sink in before too long that cursing is not really all that attractive.

Tracie Everyday said...

OMG! I went through the same exact thing. The F-bomb had become an adjective, verb, noun and I used it all the time (interspersed with others of course) and one day my boo thang said something about it and I was all WTF?! Then I realized how much I said it and that it presents an image I don't truly think is me. So, I "changed" but I still think it all the time :)

Paige Nicole said...

I don't mind cussing, but it wasn't until I was listening to my mom (yes, my mom...I get my cussing honestly) and how often she spews out "shit" that I really started cringing. I'm trying to cut back on cussing too!

Kallie @ But First, Coffee said...

I curse too much, more after a drink or two. I don't think anything is wrong with trying to curse a little less b/c a bf thinks it sounds ugly. It's not like you're changing your whole self, just using one word less. And if he had some stupid catch phrase you didn't like he'd stop using it cause you didn't like it. Compromise I agree

Brittany said...

Interesting to hear your side of it. I'm the one in my relationship that doesn't like swearing and have asked my boyfriend not to do it. He never swore very often and rarely ever in front of me. I agree relationships are about compromise and sometimes we change for the sake of our relationship and in the end it makes us better

Rachel said...

haha my boyfriend is always getting on me for swearing- but I just can't help it!

Kim Wanders said...

I really used to never ever cuss - in HS it was a joke that people just wanted to hear me say a curse word - & I still really don't unless I'm super mad or passionate about something -- then you know I'm really serious but I don't think it makes anyone less ladylike or less classy if they do -- when my bf and I started dating he cursed like a sailor but now he really doesn't ever and not bc I said a thing but I think people can start to match their speech patterns with people they spend a lot of time with.

Terra Heck said...

You're right, it's all about compromise.
I said the F word fairly often at work. My supervisor was kind enough to call me out on it but I told him I'd keep saying it if he kept saying God's name in vain. In turn, we signed a contract that he wouldn't use the word I didn't like and vice versa. So far, it's worked fairly well. Now the F word only comes out once in a while.

Lynsey @ Eternally Wanderlyn said...

I think most of us can relate to this post. I for one have the vocabulary of a sailor. And while I'm perfectly able to control my mouth in the company of family, teachers, students, etc., I pretty much cuss all the time. LOL. However, I am of the firm belief that we are the ones who give words their meaning and connotation. The word fuck is just a word until we assign a negative meaning to it. Good luck on the change! :D