Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Putting my sh*t on the table

Let me tell you, having a life is some rough shit. I know everyone has tough times but obviously it isn't something we always share with the world, whether we are bloggers or not. There are things we like to keep private.

But sometimes privacy sucks! (<--- yes I needed that exclamation point) Somtimes it just feels really good to get your shit out on the table and be like, "who cares?!" when it comes to someone reading/hearing about it. It can feel really really good to just let it all out.

In reality, my shit isn't even that bad. Just general life things. Except all of these life things are happening all at one time and it feels like I'm under an avalanche or inside a cave that's caving in. I know I talked about staying sane a few weeks ago, and I'm doing my best to follow my own rules but as you can see (from my lack of blogging over the past two weeks) I still don't have it all together. 

First there's the obvious: school. I have 16 hours of class and clinical a week, plus ACLS and PALS training. I have 84 hours of precepting to complete in the next three weeks. I have tests to study for, papers to write, and not to mention, patients to take care of.

Then there's work. Work is work for everyone no matter how much we "love our job" and yada yada (because I do, really, love my job). It's something I find myself dreading even though I need to go more now than ever.

Lastly, there's the icing on the cake: the move. I haven't had the chance (or found the right words) to mention it on my blog but if you follow me on Twitter or Instagram (shameless plug, yes) then you may have noticed that I've moved out of Derek's parents' house a few weeks ago. I know I really don't have to share any of this with you all, I can be as private as I like, but like I said, sometimes it feels good to put all the shit on the table and quit carrying it around on our backs.

Soooo many clothes in the trunk!


The short version of the long story (without getting too personal) is: I wanted to move out, because hello, I've been living with someone's parents for over a year. I was going stark raving mad. Completely insane. Lashing out for no particular reason, saying mean things, resenting people that didn't deserve resentment. It was time to go. At this time in our lives (with the afore mentioned school and work) it just isn't practical for us to jump in to home ownership right now. Even though that's the one thing I'd absolutely kill to do, the timing is just off. 

So I made a decision. A really really hard decision. A decision that hurt feelings, caused fights, cause tears. I moved out. While the dust has now settled, my move was not taken very well and it has been pretty hard on me. Not just because there were people who didn't want me to move, but also because it's hard adjusting to living alone when you've been living with other people for 14 months. I'm pretty lonely.

I still haven't gotten my internet hooked up so I'm also having social media withdrawals.

Excuse me while I go practice Rule Number 5.

33 comments:

Libby Boyes said...

Thinking of you girl! Sometimes it can definitely feel so good to get it all out there and just take a deep breath! I'm always here if you ever need to talk :)

Cece said...

Sounds crazy! School and work is crazy hard. I don't know how you keep sane at all. I think it's a good thing you moved out. It would probably drive me nuts after a while too and just because you aren't getting a house right now doesn't mean you can't rent. I hope the dust settles on all that soon. I don't know if you've done it before but living alone is a really cool thing to experience. I did it for 5 years and it was a really good thing for me.

Samantha Curtis said...

I love getting everything out; sometimes it's the best way to deal with it all! I would be going crazy living with my husband's parents (and I love them) so I probably would have done the same thing. Hope you get some relief soon!

Lynsey @ Eternally Wanderlyn said...

Sometimes getting everything out on the table is just what you need. And it sounds like you have a lot on your plate at the moment! I hope everything settles down soon.

Sara Elizabeth said...

man, that's a lot to deal with at once! i'm sorry your move hasn't been a positive experience but at the end of the day, you've gotta do what's best your you & your sanity! i hope you get a break soon and can enjoy your new place!! ps- am I still seeing you on Sunday??

Rachel said...

Yikes that's a lot all at once...but good for you for doing what you needed to do for you!

Kellee the Caffeinated said...

Holy Wow that is a lot to deal with at once!!! I'm sorry you are going through this!!! Just remember that you did it for a reason!!!! Keep your chin up!!

JumpingJE said...

Even though you hurt people and you're hurting yourself - it sounds like moving out and stepping away from the situation was a crazy-wise decision and I'm impressed. You've got a ton of people who care about you. Forgive yourself.

Yammering Yankee said...

Girl, you are not alone on this sometimes the most necessary decisions are the toughest and I commend you for knowing what you want. Living alone can be glorious once you get used to it. Chin up butter cup and remember everything always has a way of getting done

Alex[andra] said...

In the end, you always have to do what's best for you. People may have gotten hurt, but it sounds like, in the long run, you made a decision that you *needed* to make.

Balancing that many hours of school AND going to work at the same time is a huge feat. You can do it, girl!

The Rachael Way said...

You are never alone! Props to you for keeping it real and sharing your honest thoughts. We are always here for you!

Whitney Alison said...

Hmmm...I may need a 'laying my sh*t out' post. Just breath and take a moment. You will be ok :)

Fairy Princess Jord said...

Sometimes you just need to vent and venting via blog is less expensive than venting via therapy (that's my motto at least). I think your move will be good for you in the long run and your relationships will mend once there is time for the emotional wounds to heal a bit (:

alyssa said...

Sounds like you've absolutely earned that Rule Number 5. Sorry you've had to deal with so much on your own in such a short time. When it rains it pours, right? It's easy to get overwhelmed and just feel like nothing is ever going to smooth over and be calm or normal again, but it seems like you're strong and smart enough to come out ahead here. Keep on keeping on! :) oh, and thanks for the realness!

alyssa said...

Sounds like you've absolutely earned that Rule Number 5. Sorry you've had to deal with so much on your own in such a short time. When it rains it pours, right? It's easy to get overwhelmed and just feel like nothing is ever going to smooth over and be calm or normal again, but it seems like you're strong and smart enough to come out ahead here. Keep on keeping on! :) oh, and thanks for the realness!

Amy @The Crazy Wise Woman said...

There now didn't that feel good!!! I way overshare on my blog, not sure if that's good or bad but the world is my diary lol. Good luck with all your "stuff"... just be your awesome self and you will get thru it!

Rachel said...

It sounds like moving was the right thing to do, even if it is a painful decision at first. In the long run, I think everyone will be happier. And kudos to you for juggling so much right now. Just remember that soon it will all slow down and you will be able to breathe.
- Rachel @ With Love, Rachel

Jamie Vespa said...

Goodness, I hope everything calms down for you soon so you have a chance to catch your breath & get your sanity back. It seems that life has a way of throwing everything at you at once, doesn't it?

Tracie Everyday said...

It is so hard! It sounds like you are handling everything really well and with dignity! Good luck with everything and hopefully the end of the school year will be good to you :)

brooke lyn said...

good luck with everything! hopefully after the move dies down a bit everyone will see it is for the best

Kym @ Travel Babbles said...

We switch between living with my parents and with TJs in the summer and it can be REALLY difficult! I totally understand all of your feelings on that, girlfriend! I'll be thinking of you <3

Brittany said...

I get you on the everything happening at once, it feels like everything that could go wrong lately has. It is so frustrating.

As hard as the move was I am sure everyone will be better for it. Good job realizing what you needed and doing it even though it was hard :)

The Handey Way said...

I have definitely missed your blogging, but I totally understand why you needed to take a step back just to put your situation on the table. Thinking of you!

Amanda - Voyage of the MeeMee said...

I can't imagine how hard it would be to live with someone else's parents. Even if they were AWESOME people. Even if it was hard for you to leave, I think that you made the right decision for the long run based on how you felt. :)

Chasing Elephants said...

Hang it there girl! Sometimes just getting it out feels good! My friend is going through a similar thing and has been talking to me about how hard it is living with her boyfriends parents. Good for you for doing what you needed to do for yourself!

Ashten @ alwaysashten said...

I'm glad you posted this <3

Lisa @ Two Martinis said...

Clearly I've been HORRIBLE at social media stalking because I had no idea you moved! Now I definitely want to know more details. Good for you for making a change that will allow you to be the best version of yourself and hopefully happier! <3

Emma Reed said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Emma Reed said...

I cannot tell you how much I relate to this post! I too feel like, while nothing is horribly wrong in my life, all these not-so-great things are piling up. I live with my boyfriend's parents as well, and feel exactly the same way. They are very generous people but sometimes when you're 23, you want to actually FEEL like an adult. I'm hoping to be moving on soon, but in the mean time I'm just trying to control those moments of lashing out and keep my sanity... but it is rough.

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